Thursday, June 26, 2008

Why Kati Erwin is the most disappointing Hawaiian of all time

Kati Erwin, my house guest for the next 2 days before we drive to Lake Placid for the U-23/development team camp, is from Oahu. But don't let that fool you! She doesn't even fulfill ANY of the cliches.

She doesn't wear a coconut bra
She doesn't have a pet monkey
She doesn't surf to school
She doesn't use surf lingo
She doesn't even know HOW to surf
She doesn't grow bananas
She doesn't like mangoes
She never rides stingrays
She hasn't had any limbs bitten off by sharks
She doesn't summon anyone with a conch shell
She doesn't put little umbrellas in her drinks
She speaks English
She's not even tanner than I am
She doesn't have gills

Poor Kati...she doesn't even realize how inauthentic a Hawaiian she really is.

1 comment:

Kati said...

Alo---oha from the inauthentic Hawaiian over here...
I'd like to clear up some misleading information that I'm sure Em will immediately correct. She will then procede to profess her shame at the blunder, sorrow, and undying love for me.
1)The coconuts simply WILL NOT FIT!! (don't think I havent tried)
2)Don't need a monkey (I've got one better: an Emily)
3)I am up-to-date on the latest surf news (thru the coconut wireless, of course): surfing is now a high school sport here!
3)Dude, your words, they're like, like - you know, this knarly swell that comes up, and you drop into the tube and you're like "Woahhhh," but then it breaks and you're just wiped, man. Just wiped.
4)I body surf with the big boys, my friend, and I don't even need fins. How you like them apples?
5)Two words: mango rash
6)Conch shells are for special occations, sorry I didn't bring one when you picked me up at the train station, but I wasn't sure it would be appropriate. I'll make it up next time, promise. Nationals ;-)
7)Nah, wat, fo real? Brah, I wen tol you las week - piginz one ho nuder LAnuige: like dakine portagee an stuf (just sound it out)
8)But I'm tanner than I used to be...FAIL
9)No gills (sad), but the turtles taught me their ways so I can swim with them
A hui hoe
keiki o ke kai
(till next time
child of the sea)