I need a computer wizard

I have a dream... and it is of the Greatest Spreadsheet/Computer Program Training Log of All Time.

Can someone help me!?

Here's my vision: The log is daily. It has different codes for exercises, and you input the codes, total time, heart rate, feelings, workout notes, etc. Anything that can be computed would be computed.

It would be organized by time of day, and synced up with a food journal. That I can say I woke up at 5:30, ate a banana and 1c of soymilk, and then at 6am lifted for 1 hr. Everything is shown on the same interface so I can see how it all ties together. The food part would have optional inputs for calories and other nutritional values. There would also be input for daily body weight, hours of sleep, morning resting heart rate, etc.

It would also have an input for my goal training hours, goal calories, goal sleep hours, etc.--- and it could tell me on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis how far off I am from my goal.

And then it would compute.... BY ITSELF!! So at the end of each day, week, and macrocycle, I could see dozens of pieces of information, including:

total training time
total time spent in various heart rate zones
total calories
total grams protein
hours of sleep
etc.

Then I'd have conversations with myself like these:

"Wow, this week ended up being really heavy on zone 4 work and not much aerobic work. I'm glad my awesome self-computing training log can tell me this useful information!"

"Wow it says here that last week I only got 60 hours of sleep total. Let's go back to the daily breakdown. Oh yeah, I see that for 3 nights in a row I only got 6 hours of sleep. What a useful tool you are, training log!"

"My workouts have been totally sucking this week. Let's consult the training log program. Hmm... WOW, I see here that I've been consuming over 600 grams of fat per day! That probably has something to do with it. THANKS, TRAINING LOG!!!!"

I realize there are generic programs out there that kind of do what I want, but that is exactly why I've been using a pen and steno pad for 7 years.

It's time to go HIGH PERFORMANCE-- a program designed by Fem and for Fem, made by someone who is way smarter than Fem!!

Anyone interested?